January 8, 2014

Home Made Gravlax


I had no idea how easy it was to make fresh homemade gravlax!  My friend Jody makes it all the time and I finally got on board to try it myself.   Here's what I did:

2 lbs of salmon - skin off. I hate to say it but farm raised with fat works best.  Wild is too lean for this recipe.  
1/2 cup kosher salt
1/2 cup sugar
A big bunch of fresh dill 
3 Tablespoons of peppercorns 

Slice salmon down the center so you have two long even pieces that can lay on top of each other in missionary position.  In a bowl, combine sugar, salt, and peppercorns.  Put the bottom of the salmon in a Pyrex dish and lay a big bunch of dill down on the salmon.  Place the top of the salmon over the dill so you have a dill sandwich basically.  Then sprinkle 1/2 of the salt mixture on top, flip the whole operation over, and sprinkle the rest of the salt on the other side.  Cover the dish with aluminum foil and weight it down with another smaller dish and a few soup cans on top.  You are essentially creating a press for the fish to cure under.   Refrigerate for 2-3 days, turning the fish bundle over every 12 hours or so and basting with brining liquid.   Honestly I forgot to flip mine a bunch of times because I was very busy watching TV and making mad passionate love.  The first part of that was true.  Anyway, you can't screw this up.  After the curing is done, rinse the fish of all the salt and whatnot and slice it up thinly. Serve on a bagel or toasted challah with cream cheese or whatevz.  I made a simple dill sauce cuz I'm fancy like that.  

Dill Sauce:
Dump 4 T of Temptee cream cheese in a bowl with 1 T of mayo, 2 T of chopped dill, 2T of fresh lemon juice, 1 T of shallot or red onion, salt, pepper, and hot sauce to taste.  Mix.  Schmere.  

December 17, 2013

Home Made Kettle Corn - Easy and Amazing!

Dudes...I will NEVER EVER buy or eat Kettle Corn from a bag again.   Who knew it was so simple to make?  The kids are chanting (as we speak) "BEST MOM EVER! BEST MOM EVER!".  

1/2 cup pop corn
1/4 cup coconut oil
1/8 cup sugar
salt to taste

In a big pot with a tight lid, heat coconut oil over med/high heat.  When the oil is sizzling a little, add the popcorn.  Then sprinkle the sugar over the top of the kernels.  Put the lid on, turn the heat up to high, and the popcorn should start popping.  Swirl around the pot with the lid on to circulate the air.  All of the popcorn should be done in about 2 minutes.  Turn heat off and sprinkle liberally with salt.  Eat and orgasm.  OK, don't orgasm in front of your kids but you get the point.  YUM!!

November 27, 2013

Pumpkin Hazelnut Bread - BAM!

Dude.  Just made the yummiest Thanksgiving treat ever.  Ok maybe not THE yummiest but it's pretty friggin' good.   Toasted hazelnuts, fresh pumpkin from a can, lots olive oil and fall spices add up to heaven.   #NailedIt #HashtagsAreLame #OkI'mDoneNow


  • 1/2 cup + 3 tablespoons toasted hazelnuts, divided
  • 1 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1 cup pumpkin puree
  • 1/2 cup olive oil
  • 3/4 cup brown sugar
  • 2 eggs

Preheat oven to 350˚F. Grease 9x5 inch loaf pan.  Place 1/2 cup toasted hazelnuts in a food processor and process until ground into a flour.  Don't blend too far or you will get hazelnut butter. In a large bowl sift together the hazelnut flour, flour, salt, baking soda, and spices. In a large bowl combine the pumpkin puree, oil, and sugar. Beat the eggs in a separate bowl and add in.  Add the dry mixture to the wet, mixing until everything is just combined. Pour batter into prepared pan. Sprinkle the top with 3 tablespoons of roughly chopped hazelnuts (see how beautiful and perfect mine came out?!) and pop in the oven for 50-60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cool for 5 minutes in pan, then remove and cool on wire rack before cutting.  Serve anytime during the holiday meal - makes a great side (it's not too sweet), a dessert, or a next morning breakfast!  #F*ckYah

November 24, 2013

Quinoa Banana Chocolate Chip Pancakes

I kicked motherhood's ass this morning!  Tired of the boxed pancake mixes, I took to the mean streets of Mom blogville and assembled this very easy recipe for a healthier pancake.   This is a very easy, gluten free recipe.  I even ate them guilt free.  Word to the mutha which I guess means word to me.


2 cups of quinoa flour
1 1/2 cups milk
1 mashed banana + 1 banana thinly sliced
2 eggs beaten
1 tsp of baking powder
1 tsp of baking soda
1/2 cup honey
1 tsp cinamon
1 tsp vanilla


In one bowl, mix your dry ingredients: quinoa flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinamon

In another bowl, beat together your wet ingredients: eggs, mashed banana, milk, honey, vanilla.

Mix wet & dry ingredients together.  If the mixture is too tight, add some milk.

Heat your griddle with real butter.   Cuz life is short and it tastes better and is better for you than nasty Pam spray.   Drop pancakes into hot griddle and top with a few banana slices and 4-5 chololate chips. Cook til they are set and brown.  Flip.  Cook for another minute more. 

Eat hot with syrup!

May 28, 2013

Crazy Aunt Carol's Gluten Free French Toast

Holy shit, we've gone gluten free.

It's the mantra that's rattling around in my head.  I wish it would stop quite frankly.   But I'm excited.  I'm finally taking some positive steps to rid my kids of some potentially damaging foods in their diet.  So here goes......

Crazy Aunt Carol's Gluten Free French Toast

  • Gluten Free white bread - We used Udi's and it was very yummy
  • 2 eggs beaten
  • 1/2 cup Almond Milk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1/2 cup maple syrup
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • butter for the pan
How To: 

In a wide shallow bowl, beat the eggs, almond milk, vanilla, maple syrup, cinnamon together.  Dip the bread into the egg mixture and let it soak for a while - about 2 mins or until the bread gets nice and soaked through.  Meanwhile, heat a griddle or sautee pan over medium heat and melt butter.  Fry up the french toast until it's brown and golden on each side.  Transfer to a plate and while it's still hot, brush some maple syrup on the top to caramelize it a bit.  Eat and enjoy.  It's legit yummy. 

November 10, 2012

"True Love" Chocolate Chip Cake

I was passed this recipe by my cousin Carrie during my pregnancy with my daughter when all I craved was stuff with chocolate in it. I must warn you, it's highly addictive!  One reason is that it's so delicious and gooey but another reason is that it only takes about 3-5 minutes to assemble from start to finish.  This is really a "semi-homemade" cake but it tastes like it's made from scratch. The secret ingredient is Jello Instant Pudding which gives the cake the moist texture and yummy taste.  This cake is the sole reason I gained 60 lbs during my pregnancy so buyer beware!

1 package of any store bought BUTTER yellow cake mix
4 eggs
8 oz sour cream
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup Canola Oil
4 oz package of JELLO Instant Vanilla Pudding
1 small package of semi-sweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. Dump cake mix into a bowl.

3.  Add 4 eggs, oil, and water into bowl

4.  Add Jello Instant Pudding into bowl

5.  Add in Sour Cream and using a hand mixer, blend until smooth

6.  Put Chocolate chips in a separate bowl and coat with 1 tablespoon of flour.  This is a great trick I recently learned that prevents your chocolate chips from sinking to the bottom.

7.  Fold chocolate chips into the cake batter

8.  Spray or grease 2 loaf pans, 1 big bundt pan, or really any kind of pan you like using.  Just watch cooking times based on what you choose.

9.  Fill the pans up 1/2 way because the cake will rise a lot.  Pop them in the oven for 50 minutes at 350 degrees

10.  Take out of oven, let cool, slice and enjoy!   The second cake can be frozen and used for a future time.

October 29, 2012

"Screw You Sandy" Fritatta


Happy Frankenstorm, Everybody! In anticipation of losing my power, I decided to use up all of my eggs and perishable veggies and make a yummy fritatta. It took 10 minutes and was totally easy. And it will be delicious room temperature so if/when the power goes out, we have something tasty to eat. Even better paired with a couple of glasses of red wine (obvi).

Whatever veggies & cheeses you have in fridge. I used.....
diced onion
diced portabella mushrooms
diced red pepper
artichoke hearts
goat cheese crumbles
cheddar cheese
6 eggs
1 cup milk
salt, pepper, fresh herbs, paprika

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Heat olive oil in an oven proof pan. Wilt your spinach and set aside. Sautee onion, peppers, and mushrooms until they are cooked and onions are translucent. Meanwhile, whisk your eggs, milk, spices, and herbs up in a bowl. Put all of your cooked veggies back in the pan and take off heat. Add artichokes. Pour egg mixture over the veggies. Sprinkle cheeses over the egg mixture. Don't be stingy with the cheese! Finally, put the pan in the oven for 15-20 minutes or until it's puffy and cooked. Serve directly from the pan!